Complacency & Why the Band Is Better Than I Imagined

Ok so on the lap-band forums, I read so.. so so so so.. many posts about people saying you HAVE to eat XX calories and you HAVE to exercise, otherwise the band does not work! You have to work the band.

Now, I'm not saying they're wrong. I think they're right (for some people). Maybe I don't give myself enough credit. I evaluate, and I frown on myself a lot. I don't think I'm a role model bandster. I have NOT gotten my snacking under control. I have not vowed to make good choices..wait, I have vowed, I just don't mean it. I try to mean it, but I still like food for the sake of liking food.

I wanted to see a shrink about it, but it was a several month waiting list and by time my appointment came around they had to cancel. I was so discouraged, and losing weight, that I decided not to do it. I still should, maybe. Ok, I should.. but I don't know if I will.

I go in these waves of gung-ho'ness. I am psyched up, I love fitting in a new size, and I'm ready to keep going. I will drink water, I will eat healthy solid foods, I won't snack, no bad foods! I am proud of myself, because I gave up sodas. Once in a blue moon I have one, I never finish it, and I don't obsess about it. I drink water all the time. We have cases of bottles of water in my house, and I run through them like.. water (ba-dum bum).
I keep healthy solid foods, I do cook now (most days of the week) where we use to have fastfood at least 2x a day. I got rid of most snacks for a long time, I am slowly bringing them back into my house. I need to stop--but here is the complacency.
I am down 99lbs as I write this.
My back problems are completely gone, something that had me suicidal and ready to literally cut my legs off with a kitchen knife.. If anything this band was ALL worth it for this. I feel like if I have kids now, it would be a healthy pregnancy. I like how I look, I am fitting in sizes I have not worn since 4th grade. Yes, 4th grade. In my mind, I am beyond anything I could have ever imagined. I still need to lose about 50lbs. Since I've never been an average weight in my life, I am complacent with being 'only' 50lbs overweight. Never in my life could I say this.
The complacency is dangerous. It causes me to justify a snack I don't need. It causes me not to go to the gym. We have a fully equipped nice gym at my job, and yet, I don't go. Why? I am lazy, I admit that. But I'm also complacent. Despite my lack of exercise from day 1, despite my snacking, which is progressively getting worse.. I am still losing.

I don't deserve it quite honestly.

I am not doing what I am 'suppose' to be doing on a daily basis. I get the gung-ho, then it fades. Then I get complacent and reflect (like now). I wish I had more motivation. I might be at goal by now if I'd put some effort into it.
I am so lucky, and so happy for that. I feel like my band is doing all the work. When will I get in sync with it?
The band is like some sort of miracle, everything everyone says it is not. If you don't work it, it won't work. But I'm not working it. Not as much as I should. I guess the biggest accomplishments are that now, Mrs. Fast Food Queen.. does not like it. I dread when my husband asks if we can go to some fast food place. It's rare now, and I either don't eat or I get a chili if they sell chili.

But really, I need to get motivated. I need to get my ass in the gym. Why am I so lazy??????
I have vowed (and I will keep this one), to throw out the ice cream in my freezer when I get home from work tonight. I have to do these things occasionally when I recognize how bad I'm getting with things. But despite the ice cream I ate, I've lost 2lbs this week. 1lb from -100lb gone. Wow.
Thank you INamed.